Nobody Wins

I'll preface this post with the statement that while OF COURSE any allegation of child neglect or abuse must be investigated, it is obviously too much to ask that such investigations be done with even an iota of common sense, much less responsibility to the legal rights of the children involved, not to mention anyone else.

I had an experience the other day I hope NEVER to repeat. I suppose it could be considered "enlightening" if that word can even be used when talking about the mindless, heartless monster that is "social services" (to be fair, I should say "social services in my state" since maybe its better elsewhere? Right next to that bridge for sale....). I have a friend, I've known her for years. She's a smart woman, loves her kids and has had a really hard time for awhile now. She's not perfect (I've yet to meet that person) but she's sure as heck not stupid or lazy or criminal....she's just a mom struggling to keep a roof over her kids' heads and food on the table.

So one day, CPS shows up at her door, demanding to be allowed into her house. A complaint has been filed. The nature of the complaint pretty much proves that it has to be a malicious in nature. Sadly, my friend knows that there are several people who could and would do such a thing. So, she does what she is legally entitled to do -- she refused to allow the CPS agent into her house and instead required them to follow the formalities. Perhaps this particular agent had never before dealt with an educated parent, willing to advocate for herself and her kids....because she sure acted like someone had just pissed on her hydrant....it would be amusing if it hadn't ended up causing a lot of distress to my friend and her kids and costing ME, the taxpayer, a bunch of money that could be better spent, oh, finding kids that are actually being abused? Or perhaps, if that's too much to ask, funding schools, since my state is pretty much bankrupt at this point, with no relief in sight and the schools are taking the brunt of the budget cuts.

So this whole farce drags out....and earlier this week, I found myself sitting in the lobby of the local Welfare office (oh, there's some nice sounding name they call it now -- I can't for the life of me remember what it is -- Family Assistance something? Health and Human Services? Bend Over and Smile? I dunno....it was the welfare office.) I got there early so I had a chance to sit and watch. I'm not sure I've ever before been in a place that so sucked any life, any dignity, any hope out of a person. People coming in, with varying degrees of frustration or futility in their eyes. People who I would bet are just trying to make ends meet. Yeah, I'm sure some of them are there because they made stupid decisions but as is said, there but by the grace of God go I.....fluorescent lights, humming just below hearing, cheap plastic chairs that look like they came from a bus station 15 years ago (you know the kind, they sorta but not really are formed to fit your butt -- which means they really don't fit anything), broken toys over in a corner for the kids to play with, clerks who are more robot than anything, unless you don't stand in the right line or fill out the right form or sign the right sheet....anyway, there I sit, waiting to wait with my friend while CPS interviews her kids, which supposedly will be the end of this unless they find something (which they won't). Again, my friend knows her legal rights (and more importantly, her children's legal rights) and so she has a lawyer present, to sit in on the interviews. Oh my goodness, if the agent's hydrant got pissed on before, this was chest thumping I'd expect from chimpanzees, not government employees.

I think it took almost an HOUR for CPS to figure out that they weren't going to find a copy of the law stating that they didn't have to allow the lawyer to be present (since it didn't exist) but they did get to say "the prosecutor" a lot (which is amusing in a sick way -- if they actually DO get the prosecutor involved, then the presence of a lawyer is more than guarenteed!). They did try to get the lawyer excluded on the grounds that they are allowed to interview a child without the suspected abuser present. I realize that lawyers are generally unpopular but this was not at all fair to the very nice woman who was representing the children as I must say I didn't see anything about her interactions with the children I'd consider abusive.

Finally someone figured out that if they weren't willing to just say "oops we were wrong, we're so sorry for wasting your time, have a nice day" then they needed to come up with an alternative. (In the meantime I'm getting creative in the "visitation room" with its own collection of broken toys, keeping a bunch of kids occupied as best I can -- imagine what it would have been like if they'd actually refused to let me in, the way they first wanted!) So, it turns out if they do a different sort of interview THEN the lawyer can be present (in the process of this compromise they got to say prosecutor a few more times)....so that's what they did. Including trying to interview the barely verbal baby who's in that special separation anxiety stage....I'm sure there was some box on some form that had to get checked off and heck, the kid got a piece of gum (bribery) out of the deal.

So finally, oh, about 2 hours later, we all traipse out to a chorus of "thank-you-so-much-we'll-be-in-touch-have-a-nice-day (if they just could have said that, oh, about 2 hours earlier it might have been a nice day) and run the gauntlet of the hopeless to get the heck out of there.

So now I get why hospitals like to threaten difficult parents with CPS -- they've sprung from the loins of the same cursed mother! And I suppose, ACOG's members would be their multi-headed evil triplet. I know the answer to this institutionalized paternalistic bullying with its implicit misogyny IS knowing one's rights and standing firm (at least the immediate short-term answer, I'm at a complete loss as to the long term solution). I can also now very clearly see the conflict -- you know you need to do what's right but in doing that, your kids have to suffer to some degree or another -- be it something as (hopefully) slight as spending the morning in a decidely unpleasant place with decidedly unpleasant people who want to separate you from your parent (though I'm sure it didn't seem slight to the younger kids) to something as horrifying as the fear that your children could end up in foster care while the whole thing is "sorted out" -- the temptation to just do what they want and get it over would be overwhelming. Principles only get you so far.

And you know, I'd say that the people (mostly women) who work for the system are ultimately victims too -- because I believe that the majority of these people go into the job really wanting to make a difference, really wanting to save abused children, or help struggling families....and somehow they too get the passion, the fire, the life sucked out of them. So what is it? Is it Western culture? Human nature? What is it that makes it impossible to know when to sit still, when to reach out to assist and when to rescue? Sounds an awful lot like obstetrics, doesn't it? Humans just don't do institutional compassion very well, do we....

Howling At an Uncaring Moon (ADULT language follows)

Here's the obligatory warning. I'm gonna drop a number of F-bombs and equivalent offensivenesses so if that's a problem, stop reading now.

I'm so FUCKING sick and tired.

I FUCKING tired of people being surprised at my hurt. I'm FUCKING tired of being nice, political, detached, dispassionate, reasonable.

Today I had someone (who I like and respect) express surprise that I would call a midwife (who answered a query in a public forum) on the fact that she thinks women who express their birth trauma in terms of rape are just crazy, basically. Oh, she phrased it in terms of prior experience, bad expectations blah blah blah. Its bullshit. Unadulterated BULLSHIT.

You know what? My cesarean felt just like a rape. Because I've BEEN raped, I can pretty accurately make the comparison. But you know what? I don't think a prior experience of sexual assault is necessary for a woman to KNOW she's been raped. Of course, the fact that something like 1 in 3 women in the U.S. have experienced a non-consensual sexual contact before the age of 18 means that there's a whole bunch of women who DO know what they are comparing to. So pretty much all I have to say to those who aren't happy with my comparison of my "good" cesarean with my rape is FUCK YOU. How dare you. How fucking dare you.

My cesarean was 9 1/2 years ago. It wasn't even a "bad" one compared to the horrors that most women endure. And I CRIED tonight on the way home about it. THAT'S what happens when I let myself think about it. Me -- controlled, professional, even-tempered, fair-minded, appropriately detached, 2 VBACs later, well on the way to being healed ME. Also the me who since the cesarean has had to deal with anxiety disorder, depression and substance abuse...oh, the cesarean certainly isn't the only "reason" for these problems but it sure as hell didn't help, now did it?



And you know what? I'm FUCKING tired of the Business of Being Born (Ricki Lake's movie). Why? Because everyone who cares is all about how wonderful it is and how profound it is and blah blah blah...it isn't going to make one stinking bit of difference. Because the women who NEED to see it wouldn't GET it even if they did see it. They are so fucking brainwashed that the very thought that their precious OB might not have the same dreams they do is impossible for them to fathom. I'm also really really sick and tired of the fucking choir. I'm tired of midwives carrying on about how important they are. Oh I get how they have to protect their living, their licences, etc. I get that, really I do -- the prosecutions (persecutions) against midwives are nothing less than immoral and maliciously hateful to boot....but frankly, most of them are so fucking full of what a great job they are doing that they won't see the slaughter and if they do, they have to blame it on the women who run so willingly to it. And ok, I can't be that mad at them, after all, part of the reason I'm ranting here is because the slaughter is so damn depressing and overwhelming.



And I'm really really tired of women not getting it. Who do I blame for that? What the hell has happened that women are OK with getting their genitals mutilated for no good reason? What the hell has happened that women ARE abused during birth, more often than not, and they don't care? It pisses me off that women don't care. It pisses me off that somehow, they've been so manipulated from the time of their own births that they think it really is ok to be sexually abused (in all sorts of ways, having a baby only being part of it). Because that's exactly what it is, sexual abuse (aka rape -- oh, I can't believe she said that! whatever). Except part of me KNOWS that every single woman does KNOW that what happened to her was wrong. Most of the time, she just shuts up, stuffs it and acts like the good little girl that she's supposed to be, to the degree that she'll rip you a new asshole if you DARE imply that she might have reason to be hurt....whatever. I'm fucking tired of that woman too. Fighting with each other when really, we are the only hope we have. Why is it ok for a virtual stranger(s) to stick his (her?) hands up your vagina for no good reason on any number of occasions and then require you to submit to conditions that are pretty much the same as bondage/torture leading to nasty drugs, deliberate cutting of your vagina (and anus, if you are really lucky), or your stomach, muscles and uterus, putting you at risk of serious and life threatening complications for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Oh, and did I mention the fact that IT ISN'T GOOD FOR YOUR BABY EITHER????? Your Obstetrician LIED to you. Gasp.



Oh wait. I'm just an angry woman, probably unstable, certainly hysterical, projecting my own mental illness on poor innocent you. Well, that's ok, I'm well acquainted with the finer points of denial so I get it.

Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me
Into madness
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)
I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know
That there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be
Blinded by tears
I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)
Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet the end
"whisper" -- amy lee and ben moody



right now, that song describes what it feels like to me to get cut open and then told it doesn't matter. yeah, even 9 1/2 years later....I wish more women didn't close their eyes.....



Ok, so I'm winding down now. I really don't even know exactly what to do with all this....I'll gather myself together and keep plugging away, at least for the sake of my kids, if not for any real change now.

Again, not nearly enough time to write like I'd like but...I came across this and I really like it. I dunno...it seems SO obvious...why don't more women get this?

http://naturalmomstalkradio.com/blog/are-women-weak/

When you think about how much many women (at least educated women) WON'T put up with...the things that they find inexcusable...the things that they do allow (certainly educated women are even MORE likely to allow birth abuse) are mind-boggling.

So what does it take to open eyes?

Gretchen

My Video

Ok, I'm gonna try to do this...my video is embedded at the bottom of my blog (when I put it as a sidebar, it got cut off) but I doubt most people will go look for it there....of course, when this disappears, they won't look for it here either -- not quite sure how to get around that :-)

Anyway, I made this video. And when I have a bit more time, I'll explain why I did (or didn't do) some of the things in it.

Gretchen

Fox in the Hen House hunting Witches

I recently learned about something very disturbing...the American Medical Association formed a group called the Scope of Practice Partnership (SOPP), whose mission is to launch investigations of unlicensed “midlevel providers” and to support initiatives to fight legislation expanding the current scope of practice for licensed “midlevel providers”. If you search "Scope of Practice Partnership" you'll find some interesting and really scary stuff -- unlicensed "midlevel providers" would include non-Certified Nurse Midwives ("lay" or "direct entry" midwives) in states where licensure isn't available, even if those midwives were CPMs and thus, license "ready". If you read between the lines (and on top of them too) you can see that "investigations" is a nice way of saying prosecution and of course, they also oppose legislation introducing licensure to these sorts of health care providers. Licensed "midlevel providers" include the following: chiropractors, advanced practice nurses (aka nurse practitioners), nurse anesthetists, optometrists, podiatrists, physical therapists and psychologists. This whole thing is being sold as an attempt to "ensure quality health care" but my answer to that would be deal with your own lousy health care before you started trying to "fix" someone else's. We all know how well most physicians do with individualized care...Log in the eye anyone?


Alternatively, I've seen it described as a "clearinghouse of information about non physician providers' educational preparation, licensure requirements, and state legislation and regulation regarding scope of practice." The big question is, what do they plan on doing with the information? Oh, well, whenever there is a "scope of practice question" (that would be some non-physician profession encroaching on the income source of the physicians in that state or states) this information can be used to "address the issue" or even better "develop model legislation that can help resolve that concern." A specific example would be nurse practitioners -- currently, the education level to be a nurse practicioner is at the Master's level. There is a move in the nurse practitioner community to move to a Doctor of Nursing Practice degree, rather than a Master's degree. Why is this a bad idea? Why, it would allow nurses to call themselves doctors! And heaven knows, we can't have that...gosh, are they going to come after me too? After all, I call myself doctor....I'm sorry, but physicians don't have a lock on the generic term "doctor".

I think it is most baldly put in this direct quote from AMA resolution 902 : “that state medical boards shall have full authority to regulate the practice of medicine by all persons within a state, notwithstanding claims to the contrary by boards of nursing, mid-level practitioners or other entities.” Needless to say, they define "practice of medicine" very very broadly. Resolution 902 also asserts that “patients may be put at risk for injury or death . . . receiving care from persons
who are not physicians (MD [medical doctor] or DO [doctor of osteopathic medicine])” It is important to realize that there is NO evidence to support this statement and the AMA has been unable to substantiate it. But then again, we all know that patients are never "put at risk for injury or death" by the actions of physicians....who practice only the most scrupulously careful, up-to-date, gold standard medicine, of course.


This is a bully stealing the lunch money from the smart kid, who also happens to be a really nice kid too.


If you'd like to read some analyses of this, I've collected links here:


Coalition for Patients' Rights
Dynamic ChiropracticJune 6, 2006, Volume 24, Issue 12
Dynamic ChiropracticDecember 31, 2006, Volume 25, Issue 02
National Alliance of Professional Psychology Providers
Clinical Journal of Oncology Nursing • Volume 11, Number 2
American Dietetic Association
The Integrator Blog
Maryland Optometric Association
American Association of Nurse Anesthetists



Interestingly enough, I had a chance to discuss the quality empathetic and humane care pregnant women get from "doctors" the other night. For those who don't already know, I'm a Veterinarian and I work at a Veterinary ER Center -- I'm the person you see when your dog gets hit by a car or your cat blocks in the middle of the night (or on the weekend or the holiday, of course). I really love my work and the hours allow me to be other things besides a Veterinarian as well. When I'm working a weeknight overnight shift, I usually have 1 LVT (Licensed Veterinary Technician -- basically the Veterinary equivalent of a Registered Nurse -- they have 4 year degrees and have to pass a written and practical exam to be licensed). Anyway, we were discussing the recent birth events of another employee and I was expressing my disgust at how predictable things are most of the time -- this woman ended up with a cesarean she really didn't want at all and the way she got there was distressingly familiar to me. And my LVT, who is single, childless and in her 50's said all the right things...she was absolutely horrified that over 1 in 3 babies is born surgically. She was amazed that anyone could possibly think its a better way to have a baby. She was shocked that more women are dying in childbirth now than they were a year earlier...she was disgusted at the way OBs manipulate women at the end of their pregnancies when they are tired and exceedingly hormonal.



Too bad I'm not surprised any longer.



Gretchen

So here I am

I've been pretty disappointed with the traffic I don't get to my other blog....now, I'm not going to abandon it, I'll probably just cut and paste between the two, since I really do love my website (and I've paid for it :-) so I thought I'd try out blogger....now they assure me that just because this is a google product, it doesn't mean I'll automatically search higher....but then again, I get Google alerts and most of the blogs in the blog alerts are blogspot. Can't hurt, right? Plus, I do have access to more widgets here and I'm needin' some widgets!

We'll see if I can import some of my other stuff....or maybe no one really cares.

Gretchen