I do not think you are kidding yourself about planning a VBAC and this is why. Your responsibility as a mother is *not* to not have a cesarean or to have a VBAC. Your responsibility is to plan the safest birth for you, your baby and your family. That's it. Now, obviously and for lots of really legitimate and important reasons, we all hope that the safest birth for everyone involved is a vaginal birth, because no matter what the circumstances, necessary or not, surgical delivery can really suck. So the question I would ask you is this -- are you planning the safest birth you can? If your physical condition does change for the worse, will you continue to plan the safest birth you can even though doing that might be incredibly painful and disappointing? Are you doing everything you can to keep as healthy as you can? Do you understand your risk factors and how they could impact the choices you have? Are your circumstances now different from what they were the previous two times? If you answer yes to these questions, then I can't see that you are fooling yourself or kidding yourself or in any way delusional.
The part of all this that is so hard to come to terms with is that there are very real factors that can make or break plans for a vaginal birth that are completely out of our control...boy, does that grind...but in the end, it is possible that your body will not stay healthy enough for a planned VBAC in spite of you doing everything you possibly can. It is also possible that the events of your last 2 pregnancies will NOT repeat, because this is a different pregnancy. Previous pregnancies can seem predictive but often they are not. Each pregnancy, each labor, each baby is different. That you CAN be sure of. You can't do anything at this point about having had 2 previous cesareans. Oh, we wish we could! But we can't. You can make plans with those 2 cesareans in mind, and you should. You do have control over all sorts of things. But what you (and anyone else -- ICAN, midwives, physicians) don't have control over is the final outcome.
Remember -- it is NOT about having a VBAC. It is about planning the safest birth you can. Period.
In Honor of Birth Trauma Awareness Week I am offering a Negative Birth Group Clearing - I love doing group clearings. It is a way to help a lot of people all at once! When I was preparing to teach my Clearing Negative Birth Experiences Class ...
16 hours ago